Superfluous Data
by a better name
Summary: A story told from the perspective of Yuki Nagato. I am considering writing a chapter or two from Kyon's perspective, but I'm not certain. Thanks to Haruhi, Yuki is experiencing system errors which are interfering with her judgment and attitude. Read it.
1. Superfluous Data

**Superfluous Data and other Short Stories about Haruhi Suzumiya and her Friends**

**by: a better name**

**or whatever I happen to make my pen name say.**

**I do not own the characters from the Haruhi Suzumiya series and am not affiliated with the author and/or creators in any way. The anime is cool. Watch it. The book series is probably good. Read it.**

**Furthermore, this story is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual events is coincidental and probably is all in your head. Wait... why do _I _have to say this?**

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_Superfluous Data I: Interruption_

...BEGINNING LOCAL BOOT PROCESS...

LOCATED KERNEL AT -generic

BOOTING Yuki-generic...

O 0%

=O 25%

==O 50%

===O 75%

====O....100%. EXITING TO PROMPT.

YUKI.N:_

Time: 07:00:00.

YUKI.N: Get out of bed. Begin interface sanitation process: shower.

Time:07:15:23.

YUKI.N: Begin customary concealment of body parts deemed "private" and installation of insulation and aesthetics: dress.

Time: 07:25:41

YUKI.N: beginning monthly error scan on local disks.

for superfluous data.........

"RING RING RING RING!" ….....

"RING RING RING RING!" process interrupted. Source of interruption: telephone bell.

"RING RING RING RING!" Answering of telephone will result in termination of bell. Termination of bell will result in cessation of process interruption. Proceed.

"RING RING RING RI-" "Yuki Nagato speaking."

"Yuki! This is Haruhi. Come to the clubroom right away!"

YUKI.N: Likelihood that this is for something trivial: 85%…execute process "excuse."

"I have not eaten breakfast yet." Excuse quality: 4/10. Poor excuse. Chances that subject Suzumiya will render excuse irrelevant: 100%. Chance that unstable element "Kyon" will be paying for breakfast: also 100%.

"I've already thought of that! Kyon is going to go get something to bring to the clubroom. BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES!" Click.

… calculating ETA at maximum warp........... 0.1 seconds. Conclusion: Unit will arrive within time designated by subject Suzumiya. Current time: 07:28:53. Engage warp.

Location: SOS Brigade clubroom.

Current time: 07:28:54.

Current location: SOS Brigade headquarters. Beginning basic scan of surrounding area. 1 computer on the front desk. Said desk belongs to subject Suzumiya. To the left of the desk is a clothes rack. On the clothes rack are various items of clothing which fall under the category of "costumes." Among these are a waitress outfit, a frog costume, a nurse's clothes, a maid outfit, a pair of bunny suits, and the witch's costume worn by myself in the Brigade movie.

YUKI.N: Incomplete processes: scan and removal of unnecessary data. Status: paused. Will not be completed within 00:04:59. Subject Suzumiya will likely arrive within the time designated by herself.

ETA: ….............. BAM! The door slams open. The storm blows in.

ETA: -0.5 seconds.

YUKI.N: Killing unauthorized process: "metaphorical device."

"Oh, Yuki. You're here already! Good for you. You get one-thousand points!"

"I see." Oh boy. Whatever will I do with all of these wonderful points?

YUKI.N:… system error... unidentified process. Undergoing diagnostic now... diagnostic complete...

Results: Process identified as sarcasm.

Cause of sarcasm: subject Haruhi Suzumiya. Reasoning: subject Suzumiya has pointed out the obvious in noticing that I am here early and has thus awarded me points that have no apparent value.

System error: sarcasm is an emotional response. I am not designed for emotional reactions. Subject "Haruhi Suzumiya" unaware of process: sarcasm.

YUKI.N: Source of system error: unknown. Assumed to be a result of interruption in data purging process. Killing process sarcasm. Process terminated.

Mikuru Asahina will likely be the next to arrive. ETA:00:02:00. My book is in the locker. I go to get it out. It is a novel with the date "1984" on the cover. It has something to do with someone's older brother. I turn the pages slowly.

SLAM!

"Oh! I hope I'm not too late!" It was Ms. Asahina. Time of arrival: 07:33:44.

"Nope! Right on time. Now hurry up and get changed."

"Eeeep!" Suzumiya grabs Asahina and drags her behind the clothing rack. "No, please!" Poor Mikuru.

: unauthorized process: sympathy. Killed process: sympathy. Also associated with interruption of data purge.

This is a very good book.

Koizumi arrives during the time that Asahina is changing, or rather, being changed. With that wooden smile, he simply says. "Oops," and walks back into the hall.

Report: 4/5 of the SOS Brigade is now present. Remaining member: unstable element "Kyon." ETA for unstable element: incalculable. Too many unknown variables including chosen source of breakfast. Switching to secondary data source: guesswork. Unstable element is rarely on time. Average delay: 10 minutes. Calculated ETA: 00:10:00. 00:09:59. 00:09:58.

Subject Suzumiya bids Koizumi to enter again. Still smiling, he nods at Asahina, now wearing the maid outfit, and myself. "Good morning." He says.

"Good morning," I reply.

"Good morning," says Asahina. I wonder if she really means it? Error: unauthorized process: curiosity. Terminating process.

Remaining time until projected arrival of unstable element: 00:06:38. Hurry up. "Kyon", as the element is known to his friends, is tall, has brown hair, brown eyes, and a lazy, stubborn attitude.

YUKI.N: Error: unauthorized process: anticipation. It will not be terminated in order to conserve system resources.

Remaining time until arrival of unstable element: 00:05:03. Hurry.

"Kyon is late as usual." I am not surprised. I have already determined that the average delay for the unstable element is about ten minutes. "He will get the death penalty for this." Haruhi's death penalties never seem to result in fatalities. It would seem that it is not logical to call it a "death penalty," but this unit does not know what the subject thinks or how she reasons.

00:04:45.

"Perhaps he should." Koizumi said. He knows better than to argue with Haruhi despite the fact that the five allotted minutes has already been shown to be not enough for Kyon to buy breakfast and then get to the clubroom. I personally feel that Koizumi should not vocalize his agreement with subject Suzumiya lest he make unstable element Kyon's predicament much worse.

YUKI.N: Error: unauthorized process: personal opinion. Terminate process[Y/n]?

00:02:57. Only three more minutes. We wait a while in relative silence.

"Well, I can't explain the situation if Kyon's not here." This turn of events seems to irritate subject Suzumiya. Subject begins process similar to scanning for enemy targets. Appears to have locked on to... "MIKURU! Tea! Now!."

"Eeeep! Y-yes Miss Suzumiya. Right away." Target Asahina begins evasive action. Moves towards the tea making devices on the other side of the clothes rack to avoid being wiped from reality or far worse.

ETA for unstable element: "Kyon": - 00:01:56.

Damn you Kyon, I don't want to wait another ten minutes for you...

: Unsupported operation: impatience.

Oh, shut up.

: unsupported operation: irritation.

Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up...

YUKI.N: Error: command "shut up" not found. Command "shut up" might not in local environment path. Try "which 'shut up'", "man 'shut up'", or "cnf 'shut up'". If command "shut up" is still not available...

"QUIET!" There was audible silence. It is another minute before I realize that

A.) the unstable element "Kyon" had arrived while I was having that internal conversation, and

B.) I had spoken out loud. I also realize that

C .)I am standing up and that my hard back book's pages are crumpled and its spine has snapped.

"Yo, Nagato. Everything alright?" Kyon has a rather blank expression on his face as he asks, but his eyebrows are knit approximately .5 centimeters closer together than usual.

YUKI.N: error error error error error error

"I am fine." On my right foot, the little toe is twitching involuntarily in time with my also twitching left eyebrow. Error. Error. Error. Error. Error. "Fine."

"Um, sometimes I get like that if I have a headache. You know, twitchy. Would you like some aspirin or something?" Says Asahina.

all unauthorized processes.

"No. There is no need." Error. Shut up. Killing all unauthorized processes makes it better. I no longer twitch involuntarily. "So, Kyon is here." I sit back down and smooth the pages of my book.

"I noticed." He quips in his cynical tone. "I also brought breakfast." He holds a brown and red paper bag in his left hand.

"So." Subject Suzumiya speaks. "Not only did you show up fifteen minutes late, but you didn't even have the decency to buy us something other than McDonald's! SUPER PENALTY!"

"Yeah, whatever. Eat up." There is one breakfast sandwich for each of us, plus a small soda for Suzumiya. Kyon had gotten the rest of us water. It was probably because subject Suzumiya had specially requested a soda, but still...

YUKI.N: Error: unsupported process: jealousy. Terminating process now.

Ahhh. I feel much better now.

"So, what did you call us out here at this ungodly hour in the morning for this weekend?" Kyon asks in his traditional sarcastic tone. Subject Haruhi Suzumiya smiles that uncanny smile. This cannot end well.

YUKI.N: Error: unauthorized process: dread. Attempting to kill process

"Maybe I shouldn't tell you just to punish you." None of us vocalize it, but I can read the irritation in the unstable element's face. "Mikuru! Where the hell is that tea?!"

"Ah! C-c-c-coming Miss Suzumiya." She scurries back to the teapot and begins filling a cup frantically, spilling almost all of the rest of the tea on the carpet. Kyon simply holds his palm to his forehead and groans quietly, knowing that it would likely be he who cleans it up later. For some reason, I like the way his face looks when he does that. I don't understand. Error. Looks like I'll have to kill that process too.

"So. You want to know what you are here for." She grins maniacally. She is surely unstable. "Well. I'll tell you." Kyon looks up from in between his fingers. Asahina pauses with the tea. "Mikuru! Tea!" She timidly sets it in front of Suzumiya and takes her seat. Koizumi is smiling. Suzumiya takes a sip of tea and speaks. "Crop circles!"

"Oh, God, no." Kyon retreats behind his palm again. Koizumi is still smiling. Asahina makes more tea. I turn the page.

Current time: 08:06:42

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**Well, that's all she wrote folks. I basically have no freaking idea what I'm doing, so please read and review. Tell me if you hate it or love it, but, for goodness sake, tell me why. I don't really know if I can edit these things once posted, but I will try to fix any inconsistencies in style or story that appear as they come to my attention.**

**Assuming this doesn't go over too badly, next chapter will be _Superfluous Data II: Crop Circles._ Read it.**


	2. Crop circles

**A/N: Augh! This chapter was a royal pain. I rewrote it about four times before it arrived at it's present form. It still might not be any good. Sheesh. Well, I hope you like it. **

**Y'know, I really need to read those damn books. They've only got the first one at the library... Stingy no want to spend money!**

**And in case somebody forgot: The SOS Brigade and its members do not belong to me. That's probably a good thing.**

YUKI.N:_

Time: 08:08:45

Location: SOS Brigade clubroom.

Pending processes:

Monthly error scan on local disks.

Breakfast.

Analysis: Error scan will require approximately five minutes to complete. Furthermore, it will be necessary to be in a location of peace before the process can be successfully completed. The SOS Brigade clubroom cannot be classified as such a location while Haruhi Suzumiya is present.

Kyon is now mopping up the tea that Asahina spilled only a minute ago. His facial expression indicates a very "bad mood."

I get a sandwich out of the McDonald's bag and begin to eat it. It is cold.

"Nagato! Don't eat that! It is against the Brigade's moral code to eat food that is not up to Brigade standards!" There are no "Brigade standards," it is just something she made up to get an excuse to punish Kyon. This is a fact. She already ate her sandwich and finished off her soda within the last five minutes. "Eating this food would just make that slacker think he can get away with being stingy with his fellow Brigadiers!"

She smacks her lips with a bored look. "Um, what was I saying?" It is Koizumi who replies.

"Well, you mentioned something about crop circles."

"Oh, yeah. That's what I called you all here about. MIKURU!"

"Y-y-y-y-yes?"

"BRING ME MY SOAP BOX AND PODIUM!" Pause. "NOW!"

"Eeep! Coming!" The apron-clad time-traveler did as she was told, and soon the subject was standing on a tall milk crate behind a taller wooden podium. Kyon was finished mopping up the tea by now, but had to be coerced by Koizumi before he would return to his seat to listen the Haruhi's speech. To be fair, the processing errors taking place in my consciousness will make it difficult for me to listen to this as well. I will just keep reading and set the monologue to be recorded for later. However, for the sake of this narrative:

"Ahem. Since the earliest civilizations, people have made their marks on the terrain in hopes that the gods would take note of their existence. Now, it is our turn to make our presence known! One of the purposes of this club is to find aliens and hang out with them." Unnecessary. "Today, the aliens will come to hang out with us! This is a great day in the history of the world, nay, the entire SOS Brigade!" Priorities... "So, let us go boldly out to the soccer field to to seek new life and new civilizations! And hang out with them! Thank you! Thank you!"

YUKI.N: Applause. Clap clap clap clap clap.

Most of the applause is coming from Koizumi and Asahina. Kyon decided instead to make a comment.

"So, just what did you call us out here at this ungodly hour for? You still didn't answer my question."

"We are making a crop circle!" Her brown eyes are gleaming with what could be considered "fiendish light" or maybe "devilish glee." "In middle the soccer field! The aliens can't miss it there!"

Kyon face-palms again. "Just what interest would aliens have in a public high-school soccer field?" If looks could kill, Kyon would have been reduced to subatomic particles by the glare that the subject was giving him.

"Dumbass! They're watching us all! Everything! They're sure to notice if we make a really big crop circle!"

I giggle a little bit at this, but not for long. Giggling is not an authorized process, after all. It must be killed.

The others stare at me. They are not accustomed to my laughter, and I am not accustomed to laughing. The noise that came from my lips sounded roughly like what I what get if I played a recording of a cough over a recording of a dolphin's whistle.

"Wow, Nagato, you never giggle."

"Yeah. Good thing, too. Sounds like you swallowed a flute. Gives me the heebie-jeebies." … That hurts... Hurt was not authorized...

"Oh, come on, Haruhi, that's a pretty mean thing to say." Thank you, Kyon. "She just needs practice-"

"Practice!? Ha! Whoever heard of practicing a laugh? I mean, if you have a idiotic laugh, you always have an idiotic laugh! Ha ha!" So harsh. I feel...

"Haruhi! You made her cry! You should be ashamed of yourself!" Kyon tried to maintain his anti-Haruhi glare for a few seconds, but failed miserably and began to smile a little. "Heh. Swallowed a whistle." Yeah . Go ahead. Take _her _side. See if I care. Just because I'm an alien doesn't mean I don't have...

YUKI.N: Error. Unauthorized processes: embarrassment. Jealousy. Pain. Killing processes...

Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me. This is an old earth saying that is often found to be true. It means that though one's body can be destroyed by a forceful strike from a large blunt object, being insulted has no effect on the health of the individual.

"It is OK." It is? "Yes. OK. I am fine." I am?

"Well, you don't look fine. I mean, aren't those tears?" Kyon looks very concerned. How touching.

"I put my contacts in wrong." What contacts? I wear contacts? I can tell Kyon does not believe me.

"Well, don't you have a pair of glasses? Go to the bathroom and take out your lenses. I think I have some solution you can borr-" Haruhi cut across him.

"Too bad, Yuki. You'll just have to grin and bear it until we're finished. You'll be OK, right?" Is there more than one answer?

"Yes." No. Of course not.

"Good! MIKURU!"

"Y-y-y-yes, Miss Suzumiya?"

"Pack it up! We're going to the soccer field." Pause. And then, "MOVE IT!"

"Y-yes Miss Suzumiya!" That is getting old. Spineless...

"You sure you're OK, Nagato? I can cover for you if-"

"Unnecessary."

Current time: 08:20:39

We were soon all out in the soccer field. The markings on the field are slightly worn and there are large white nets on either of the far ends of the field. There are spectator stands on the remaining sides of the field which are shaded by nearby trees. Sitting in stands alone is a girl with shortish brown hair, fair skin, a formal white-blue blouse and a short, blue skirt, a yellow headband, and soulful brown eyes that are gleaming with what would be classified as "fiendish light" or perhaps "demoniacal glee" as she crouches, gargoyle-like, on the top row of seats. Haruhi Suzumiya.

"So, when did you go and get permission to use this field?" Kyon asks this with the tone of one who already knows what the answer will be but knows he will not like it and is asking anyway because his last shred of hope feels the need to commit suicide.

"I didn't. Don't have to. It's school property. All students can use it." I highly doubt that the unauthorized manipulation of school data will be looked upon kindly by security. However, my opinion is irrelevant to the way the subject will act in any given situation, as I have observed upon various occasions. "SO! Everybody grab a roller! I've drawn out the plans on these pieces of paper."

We were each handed one page of neatly drawn, detailed instructions which showed what pattern we were supposed to be making in the grass. We had to form a line in front of the bleachers, of course. It would be to much trouble for the subject to make any effort. Each page only showed what the person it was given to was intended to do, so none of us (excepting subject Suzumiya) knew what the final design would look like. Normally I would be able to compile an image of the complete project, but too many system resources are taken up by dealing with system errors.

The rollers all look very much the same to me. Koizumi smiles and picks his roller easily enough. Asahina fidgets and hesitates, but finally closes her eyes and grabs one under the "encouragement" of Haruhi. Light reflects of the paint of one in a different frequency than the others. In absence of any other significant differences, I choose this one. Kyon sidles up next to me and makes an unwelcome comment.

"Hey. You don't strike me as the kind of girl that likes pink things, Nagato." Ah. Yes, this particular wavelength has been designated as "pink" in this language. How fascinatingly primitive. I suppose it is only logical when a race is limited in communication as much as this one. "Pink" is often associated, in this culture, with feminine traits, vulnerability, eccentricity, breast cancer, or rebellion. I have never been feminine, vulnerable, eccentric, or rebellious, nor have I had breast cancer. NEVER! I feel some irritation to this classification and towards Kyon for bringing it up.

"It was different. That is all." I say this in what could be considered an impatient tone. Kyon just shrugs and moves on. He thinks I am lying. He thinks I like pink. I can tell. I just can. BELIEVE ME!

"Oh, um, Yuki, are you really OK? I've never seen you twitch like that. I could still get you some pain-killers." Asahina: so kind.

"I DO NOT LIKE PINK!" What? What am I saying? It is not logical to snap at one who is offering to do you a service. Illogical practices are generally unauthorized. Should this process not have been killed? The time-traveler scurries away, wounded.

"Start rolling!" Screams the subject from her perch.

Current time: 08:57:27

The crop circle is finished. After a brief survey, the subject declares it complete.

"Let's go to the roof so we can see what it looks like!" Suzumiya's cry echoes across the grounds with acoustic power, but in a manner more reminiscent of the blood-curdling scream of the horrible cyclops than the beautiful cry of a mythical siren.

YUKI.N: unauthorized process: allusory device.

We walked back into the building and up the stairs. After using data manipulation to unlock the door, we were able to enter the janitor's closet which contained the ladder that reaches the top of the building. I do not go up with the others

I am not afraid of heights. No, I just do not want to see the others fall. That must be it.

"Come on, Yuki! You've gotta see it!" It is not logical. Yes, that must be it. Illogical.

"Really, Nagato. You'd better come see. We've just drawn a giant _tapeworm_ in the middle of the soccer field." Tapeworm. Tapeworm bad. Very bad.

"Coming!" The ladder seems very tall on the way up. The rungs could not possibly number more than fifteen, but I somehow remember taking hundreds of steps. It must be a system error.

"Hey, you need a hand, Nagato? You don't look so good..." Kyon.

"Unnecessary." It may be unnecessary, but it would be really nice if I could just, " But I would like a hand." Just for stabilization purposes.

With Kyon's help, I reach the top of the ladder and the roof of the school. I walk out to the edge. There, printed clearly in the soccer field, was the SOS Brigade logo. And not the one I photoshopped after the cave cricket incident to prevent it from behaving as a bat-signal for killer, alien, cave crickets; this is the original. It's too late now; in fact, sensors indicate as many as five-hundred data life-forms beginning to manifest themselves locally in sub-space pockets.

"Can you sense them?" Koizumi whispered in my ear.

"Yes. I-" Suddenly all of my joints have become immobile. I can no longer adjust my balance and begin to topple over the edge of the building.

YUKI.N: System report: Unable to kill unauthorized processes. Permission denied: Entering system lock-down.

What? I'm falling!

YUKI.N: This action has been authorized by the root user, so contact your local system administrator to file a complaint.

That won't do me any good, I _am_ the local system administrator! And I'm falling!

YUKI.N: Please try to relax. All function will be restored within an hour.

The entities will have completely manifested themselves within five minutes. Koizumi will be unable to hold off so many on his own, especially since they will not be manifested in pure closed space. He will not have access to 100% of his powers.

And I'm falling.

Current time: 09:07:56

**A/N: I guess at least a couple of people probably saw the SOS thing coming, but I'm not much good at being unpredictable. And the cave cricket incident is kinda overused, huh? Oh, well. I like it anyway! So there! And thanks for having a look, Condor_green. Not really sure I understood, but oh well.**

**Not sure I really liked this chapter. Oh, well. I guess I just need practice and a nap.**

**Yuki is totally my favorite character, even in most of the spoofs. I guess I'm just a sucker for the quiet, stoic type, huh? She could totally stand in for Commander Data in Star Trek. Or maybe Spock, if she had pointy ears. If she wasn't female, no one would ever notice. Say, that gives me an idea that most sane people would probably agree needs to be written down and put through a paper shredder... Good thing I'm not a sane people...**

**SO! Next chapter: **_**Back at the Ranch**_**! Should explain the lock-down unless I change my mind, which I might very well do. Or not do. **

**You'll probably hate it. Read it anyway.**


	3. Crickets at Dusk?

**A/N: I love irony! I've got one guy saying that my take on Yuki's character is off because it's too technical and I need to read the light novels. Another guy is saying it's spot on and cites the light novels for it. I'm not trying to pick a fight, but I just thought I'd die of irony. HAHAHAHA! Heh.**

**Don't really know what the point of the previous chapter was. I had to write it because the idea was forming a super-dense cluster in my brain that was threatening to become a black hole and destroy the planet! So, in writing that chapter, I saved the world!**

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Chapter 4:

BOOTING ryoko-unstable:

O 0%

#O 25%

##O 50%

###O 75%

####O....100%. EXITING TO PROMPT.

RYOKO.A:_

Time: 09:16:19

Location: here.

Here I am. The sky is beautiful, isn't it? Blue. The same color as my eyes. They say my eyes are a dark color, though. Isn't blue supposed to be cheerful and light?

Sand is here. The sky is blue, and the sand is yellow. The color of fear. Fear is wisdom. Wisdom is knowledge. Knowledge is power.

This dimension is normally a harmless void, but I spoke unto the void. Now there is light. It is by this light that we see yellow sand and blue sky as well as white clouds. And with light, we see darkness. There are some other things here that we can use light to see: my friends in the dark.

Friends is probably a poorly chosen word. They are more like allies, or maybe acquaintances. We have similar goals. We both want to kill someone.

They will shoot forth into the world they have been brought into and, like the ravenous locusts they are, devour everything. These green giants in their primitive insectoid skins feel nothing but rage and contempt. Mandibles of yellow, hardened chitin click and clack in anticipation of the feast that is to come. Kaleidoscope eyes shining red in expectancy of raw, chewy flesh, thick, bloody bones, an ocean of blood, and the one who fears them. This is what the last of their kind to visit this planet found: fear of this form. They need this data to evolve to the next level, to emerge into the world and ravage it. They need fear. They feel hunger.

I feel nothing. I must evolve.

Yuki Nagato must die. She is a closed minded fool. She stopped me once before. Never again. Never. Never.

Kyon must die. He is a destabilizing factor in the life of Haruhi Suzumiya. Removal of this factor will create a data explosion that can be harnessed. I will be.

Conclusion: Killing Yuki Nagato and "Kyon" will result in auto evolution. Proceed.

My faction will now reign supreme over the entity; I will kill the unstable element to elicit a response from the subject. Then I will use the resulting data explosion to force the entity to evolve. It needs more data to evolve. More data. More data. More data.

More data.

They say that I am unstable. Insane. When I rule supreme over the galaxy they will see. They WILL see! Maybe I'll even bring those pests back from the dead to kill them again. With all they've done to me, it would only be logical.

I summoned these monsters, and the Entity failed to see it. It is old and confused, its data is full of errors. When I am a god, I will fulfill its purpose. There will be no more dissenting voices, only me. I alone will control the universe, and terminals will no longer be given independence. They will only channel myself.

It is time. Time to evolve. Time to kill. Time to conquer.

Proceed? [Y/n]

Yes. Enter.

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**A/N: these lines indicate a change in perspective. I swear that the document converter exists simply to make using special characters difficult...**

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YUKI.N:_

I cannot move my eyes. I cannot close them. I cannot move my mouth. I cannot scream. But I do not fear. I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. The little death that brings annihilation.

Though, I do not suppose there is much of a point. With no data manipulation powers, this fall will kill me as surely as it would a normal person.

It feels as though I have been falling for eons. The hard, cold ground grows closer with every passing moment. At this angle, my scalp will be first to hit the ground. The force generated by my mass and the pull of gravity will be enough to crush my skull, killing me instantly.

Many humans believe in some form of life after death. Ordinarily, an interface's operating system is archived in the Entity after data link termination. In system lock-down, no such thing will happen. I have been literally excommunicated. Perhaps I will go to heaven after all...

* * *

Nagato is really very heavy. By looking at her, you would think that she's one of those girls that feels compelled to work off any calories gained by eating a tic-tac. This time she had only fallen a few inches, but I don't remember her being this heavy. In fact, I remember her being pretty lightweight. No! Don't get the wrong idea, it's just that a while back she fainted after the battle with Ryoko and I had to catch her.

I had her by the left foot and I was afraid I was going to lose my grip. Lucky for me, someone else got the other one.

"Thanks, Koizumi, I thought I was going to lose her." Koizumi didn't reply.

"You're an idiot Kyon." Grunted Haruhi from behind Nagato's other foot. "Any slower and she'd be pushing daisies!" Never mind that I was the first one to react... "Can it! You were the closest to her. You should have been faster!" In the real world, Koizumi would have been the closest to her, but never mind the details. Together, Haruhi and I pulled Nagato to safety. All that matters is that Nagato is safe. But where did Koizumi go?  
"How the hell should I know?" Well, I'm not the mind reader here.

So, Nagato's out of it, Koizumi's disappeared, and I'm up here with Haruhi, an omnipotent, raving lunatic, and Mikuru, the least practical person in existence. The two people who could actually tell me what's going on are: Incapacitated and Vanishéd.

While I was pondering this, Haruhi was checking Nagato's breathing and pulse. "She's OK. Didn't you say she was anemic or something?" Actually, it was Taniguchi that I had told that little lie to, but it looks like Haruhi picked up on it somehow. "Must have had a seizure and fainted. Mikuru! You're the SOS Brigade's nurse! You should have seen this coming!" If anyone in the SOS Brigade knows anything about medicine, it would be Haruhi, not Asahina.

"I-I-I tried to get her to take something for her twitching, but she was in a really bad mood and wouldn't take an aspirin. She's usually so quiet..." An image of a well-endowed Dr. Asahina in a size-or-two-too-small nurse costume bludgeoned its way into my mind, threatening to stick me with a very big needle if I kept on being shy about the check-up. She is so incredibly cute. "I'm sorry. I really should have known she wasn't feeling well." We _did_ know she wasn't feeling well.

"You accept the blame for this?"

"Well..."Asahina fidgeted and stared at her feet.

"Good! As punishment, um, well, there will be a penalty! Don't doubt it!" I guess she needs someone to blame for her own cruelty. I mean I did ask if Nagato needed go home. It was you that made her stay. Honestly, the girl was crying! We're talking about a girl that is such a loner that she usually doesn't give an answer to any question from anybody and very rarely indeed more than a monosyllabic one. She's been unusually chatty today, if you call random emotional outbursts chatty. You should be more worried! "Fine by me! She needs to talk more." Sensitivity: fail.

"Hello, up there!" With that cheesy grin visible from space, Koizumi steps out of the school entrance and towards the field waving. "I was so taken aback by the artistic genius that I had to see the work up close again." Haruhi beamed at him. Stupid suck up. There are a million and one excuses to go down there and look. Why does he have to pick that one?

Man, getting Nagato down from here is going to be a drag. The janitor's ladder is way too tall to be dropped from. I can't see anything that we could make a sling out of. Maybe if one of us is at the bottom to catch her... No. It's still to far down. She'll crack her head on one of the rungs. But if there are two of us... No. Asahina is useless in these scenarios. Besides, Nagato terrifies her. Even if she did have the physical strength, Asahina would try to do it with her eyes closed.

Damn you, Koizumi, I'm gonna kill you!

* * *

RYOKO.A:_

The first one is coming: that smiling sycophant. The one who loves the sound of his voice. We will teach him to be afraid. The only grin on his face will be that of death, if his skull remains intact.

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YUKI.N:_

Optical sensors restored. Loading emergency kernel: limited functionality. Read-only system.

* * *

"Um, Kyon, Miss Nagato's sitting up." That's good! Maybe she'll be alright.

"Hey, Nagato, how are you doing?" She stares right through me without the slightest trace of comprehension. I guess that in itself partially answers my question. "Here, let me help you up."

Before I can so much as take her arm, Haruhi barges in. "Yuki! You're up! Everything good? Great! Let's get back down to the field..." Haruhi attempts to haul the semi-catatonic alien to her feet. Not a good idea, as it turns out.

WHAP! BANG!

Yuki suddenly reached over her shoulder and, without so much as batting an eye, flung Haruhi on to her back. Haruhi screamed and cursed. She howled and pounded her fists against the concrete. She pushed herself into a sitting position while still swearing very badly and scowling. The perpetrator, a Miss Yuki Nagato, continued to sit, hands in her lap, as if it were her sacred duty to watch the grass out in the field. Was that a smirk?

"Um, Haruhi, I don't think Nagato's all there right now. We should leave her alone..."

"No one gets left behind! Grab her right arm, Kyon, I'll get the left. Mikuru! You stop her from kicking!" True to Haruhi's expectation, as soon as we had her arms, Nagato tried to sweep our feet out from under us with vicious kicks. Asahina was slow to grab her legs, so I have some nasty bruises near my kneecaps now.

Together, we managed to wrangle Yuki over to the ladder with relatively few injuries. On her part, anyway. Miss Asahina was sobbing and trying to use some of the cloth on her maid outfit to stem the flow of blood from her broken nose. I was rubbing my bruised shins. Haruhi was cursing lake a sailor, and deciding on the penalty for going insane on duty. While we licked our wounds, Nagato sat back down. Cross-legged, she began to stare into space again. Man, she has one hell of a kick.

Round two: we decided on a sneak attack. Haruhi would take her from behind while I stabilized her legs. Then we'd go down the ladder. This seemed like a stupid strategy to me since any of us could have gotten killed on the way down, and this would have been much easier with the completely unconscious Yuki.

Well, we managed to get to the bottom of the ladder by some miracle, yeah, right, and managed to drag Nagato kicking but not screaming out onto the bleachers. I'm not sure she can speak in her current condition.

"Hey!" I jumped about three feet. Somebody's gonna punch that guy one of these days. "How'd it go?" Said Koizumi.

"Oh, not bad. You ran off and Nagato had some kind of meltdown. Then Haruhi, Asahina, and I had to haul her down here at the risk of our lives. Not bad at all."

"Great." He must be impervious to sarcasm.

"So, how are things on your end?"

"The space being generated by the data beings is impenetrable by ESPers like myself. They also exhibit a degree of control in the real space around them."

"So... that means..."

"Right. They can get at us, but, without Nagato, we can't get at them. I had been hoping to launch a preemptive strike." Well, maybe if you had been there Nagato would be OK! "I think that is unlikely."

"Why aren't your guys doing something about this?"

"They don't know about it. Furthermore, they, like me, cannot enter these spaces without assistance. I cannot contact my superiors. The phone signal has been interrupted by the entities."

"So it's basically an alien invasion?"

"Yep."

I've got a bad feeling about all this. It can't be more than ten or eleven o'clock and the sky looks like a sunset. Heck, it looks blood red.

"Hey, Kyon!" Haruhi called me from where she was sitting on the bleachers. "What are those shadows?" Shadows? She turned to face me. "Yeah. See 'em? Out there on the field?" Oh, crap. Shadows. Yeah, I can see them. Too many to count, but I'd guess there's around five-hundred. Can't be good.

"It isn't." Koizumi's indefatigable smile was fading rapidly. "They're coming for us." Gulp.

A shadow rushed forward from the field. Haruhi had her back turned so that she could not see it.

"Haruhi! Look out behind you!" But it was too late. As soon as the shadow touched Haruhi's feet, she collapsed in a twitching, gurgling heap.

A second shadow oozed forward, and then burst forward like a bullet. This one got Koizumi. Probably time for me to run. I tried to get Miss Asahina out of the way, but she tripped on her dress and fell victim to the third. Now only Nagato and I are left.

I tried to lift the pale alien and thought for one mad moment that she wouldn't leave without her book. I dismissed this and tried dragging her off the bleachers.

WHAP!

BANG!

OW! She punched me! That miserable little... Whoa!

I tumbled off the bleachers and onto the grass. Five shadows rushed toward me like the dogs of war.

Night fell.

Current time: 10:19:46

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**A/N: Yay! One more chapter done. The cave cricket battle in this story will actually have very little to do with cave crickets, just so you know. **

**Anyhoo, the next chapter should be... um... lemme make something up real quick...: **

_**Vertigo**_**! No. I don't like that. Err... maybe... _I've got no freakin' Idea what to call the next chapter! _Read it.**


	4. The Recital

**A/N: I'm sorry this has taken so long. It is partly due to my laziness and partly due to the fact that I had finals. The classes that should have been easy turned into the curriculum from Hell... Dammit, Jim, I'm a writer not a physicist!**

**This is kinda short, so don't be surprised if I add more to this chapter later, or change it entirely. It's all too confusing. ach, oh well.  
**

**Also, I'm sorry about the false alarm a couple of weeks ago.**

**So, here's chapter 5! I don't know what you'll think of it. I don't even know what I think of it. Please review.  
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_System log. Current time: 10:19:46._

_Kernel yuki-generic forced boot into virtual interface. Failsafe options activated._

_No data manipulation permissions. No super user access._

_Mounting local drives... Disk error. File system invalid. Mounting anyway...

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_

I don't remember the name of the brown-haired brown-eyed girl standing in front of me. She stares at me as though I am some sort of alien.

She says nothing, but, at the same time, looks like she is trying to communicate something.

When I open my mouth to ask about this, I realize that I have no voice.

The dark eyes in front of me look as though they will explode into tears at any moment, and then she was gone.

For a short eternity, I stood there all alone in the dark. Fleeting ideas race through my mind like individual molecules of water in a stream. These ideas, like water, have no form, no solidity. More abstract and than one of the works of a famous artist, they communicate worlds that cannot be communicated.

In a flash I remembered that girl so long ago. I wonder where she has gone? Slowly and swiftly the dark fog around me lifts. Under the dense gloom is an oddly familiar city.

Concrete walls stand tall and imposing near highways and homes in a sub-par attempt to spare the citizens from the noise of passing traffic.

Somewhere above me, a street light powers on with a near inaudible hum. I hear voices.

"Hey, _!" Says a small girl in a tomboyish outfit. I hear the name that she calls the other, but I forget it almost immediately, as if in a dream. "You promised you'd play with Shami and me today! Stupid, lying _."

They pass out of the dim light bickering in this manner.

Then the light powers off.

In fact, there never was a light. There was never a girl with her brother.

It was mere figment of my imagination.

The light that wasn't there powers on again.

This time, it is the brother of the girl who didn't exist in the first place all alone.

"Hello, _," I say without making a sound. I wonder how I remember his name when I do not recall hearing it before. To speak without making a sound is an exercise in futility. I can tell he doesn't hear my voice.

He pauses here as though searching for something that has been lost. Perhaps his sister?

He could not possibly be looking for me. I do not exist.

He passes out of the light again, this time looking lost and confused.

I wander the now empty streets as a ghost: unknown to others.

Not that there are others to be known to. I do not exist to them, and, in turn, they do not exist to me. This is how it should be.

I remember when I existed in that dream, if only a little.

During those days I had a name. So did the others. The one with raven-black hair and eyes of ice. We did not see things the same way, though we worked towards a common goal.

Come to think of it, I don't remember what that goal was. It was important, whatever it was.

There was turmoil between the two of us. Our methods differed on an important point. I do not remember out methods or the point on which they differed.

I do remember that I sent her here first. I do not remember the circumstances surrounding the exodus. Now, it is her who sent me to this place. This dark place.

But through the dark shone a light, though not a light that could be seen by human eyes. Light that reaches human eyes does not pass through this place. This is our place, and only the light that reaches my eyes can pass through this place.

It is a light that I have seen before, though I do not remember when. It must have been when I had a name.

The girl of the light had brown hair and brown eyes. Eyes that I have seen before in this place. I do not remember where or when. Anyway, I find my voice.

"What is your name?" I ask. I realize that though I hear the words that I am saying, I do not hear my voice.

"I am like you." A ghost? "That's right. Only ghosts can see other ghosts. Isn't that obvious? Damn, you're slow, aren't you?"

The pretty ghost sighs in a most life-like manner.

"Fine. We're going."

Where are we going?

"Wherever you want, but you can only go to the recital."

Isn't that a contradiction in terms?

"Don't be stupid. You only want to go to the recital."

Why should I go to the recital? I don't want to go to the recital.

"Too bad. You have to if you really want to."

But what I've been saying is...

"Shut up! We've wasted too much time already. Before we go to the recital, you have to face the other. Don't ask me why. This is your damned world, not mine."

The other. The raven-haired one.

And just like that, she was there. Death wearing a sailor uniform.

Black hair, midnight blue eyes. Wielding a hunting knife and with a demonic aura about her, she walked towards me with an ugly expression that contrasted with her beautiful face.

"Your god cannot save you, old friend. I will kill you both." Four glowing, white, spidery appendages burst from the back of her uniform. A grin of sheer malice appeared on her pale face. "I would tell you to say your prayers, but it would do you no good. I will kill you no matter how hard you pray."

Does she mean me? She intends to kill ME? What have I done to deserve this? And am I not already dead anyway?

I look around for the helpful female ghost, but all that is left of her is a whisper.

The whisper flies to my ear and tells me this:

"I can no longer help you. This is your world, your fight. You must find your name among the snowflakes. Then you will be a ghost no more. Then you can win against this one, the one that isn't a ghost. Goodbye."

It begins to snow.

"Nameless idiot. You can't beat me here, this is MY world!" With a roar the enemy lunges forward, snapping me back to reality. The light pierces the ground around me and melts the snowflakes that are in the way.

Just before the tentacles pierce my chest, my dormant instincts propel me backwards into a defensive stance, dodging the weapon. I do not know which instincts tell my body to do this or why.

I begin to realize things. Though I am a ghost, I am not dead. Not yet.

Then I begin to remember things. The memories flow down into my brain like the snowflakes reach the soil from the heavens and slowly trickle underground as water.

Such a common thing, and so wonderful, this snow.

* * *

RYOKO.A:_

She is just standing there. So far as I can determine, there is no connection to the Data Integration Thought Entity. There is just a void; a void filled by nothing.

I strike. She dodges.

Inconceivable. She dodged that attack without data manipulation.

No, data is in fact being created! Not possible. No one can create data except...

* * *

This shall be my name.

With that thought, I was a ghost no more.

Ghosts have no name. I am Yuki Nagato, member of the SOS Brigade.

No longer a ghost, I make my way to the club room. To the recital.

There are no tables, no wardrobe, no random possessions lying about the room.

There is, however, a coffin. And on top of the coffin, is the boy with no name. He smiles gently at me and turns to look behind him.

Behind him was a girl in a white cloth. The cloth came down from the scalp of her head with holes cut out for the eyes, as if she were cosplaying as a generic ghost.

"I'm sorry. I was rather late, but I hope I can be of service." Her voice is high and girlish. She traipses towards me in a manner reminiscent of a maid and smiles.

"Don't worry, Yuki. There is still time." Time until the recital? "Correct."

I wonder why it was so important that I get here, if that is indeed the case.

I look back at the coffin. It is black, and not particularly ornate. A symbol of death as surely as the sun shines.

"Didn't I say we still have time? Relax, enjoy the preparations for the recital." The girl begins to dance slowly, but not sensuously, in a rather carefree manner.

She has no name, but as Kyon is known as Kyon, she is known as Asahina. Whether this is her true identity is unlikely. She continues to dance merrily around the clubroom.

Then I remember my place. It is inside the plain, black coffin.

But Kyon is sitting on the coffin, and so long as he is, I do not have to be inside of it. He begins to sing in time with the dance of the girl.

I will be in this clubroom for as long as Kyon remains. I can stay alive for a little while longer, but the recital must be finished sooner or later.

All living things must die.

Commence reboot.

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**A/N: This was another pain in the butt chapter. I wrote nine different versions! I'd say that I'd show them to you if you asked, but my computer went down and only the most modern version survived, as it had been stored on my jump drive.  
**

**And, cheesy as it sounds, I want to say something about literature and books and, hell, even dime novels. **

**What's important isn't that you understood all the symbolism and drama. It isn't that you understand the author or his themes any better. **

**What's important is that **_**it made you think.**_

**I'll get off my soap box now.**

**inspired by haruhi suzumiya book 8. I tried to give this an "alice in wonderland" sort of feel, but I don't know how I did.  
**

**Don't expect chapter 6 out too soon, though I will try very hard to get it done as soon as possible.  
**


	5. A Good Day for Sleeping In

**A/N: This chapter is weird, of debatable quality, surreal, rambling, and potentially inconsistent. Enjoy!**

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My normal strategy for getting up in the morning is to wait until the cat or my sister tries to suffocate me in my sleep and then shove them away and yell until I feel better.

But I had no opportunity to do that today, as both cat and sister were absent from my home. In all fairness, I should have been gone too. That's the feeling I had, anyway.

It isn't like depression or loneliness where you just don't feel like you belong, it's just that no one was there. Nobody. Nobody at all. How could I tell?

Look, normally there's some background noise. A guy with a radio, kids playing somewhere. There's stuff you don't pick up on, too. I mean, you could hear things across town that you normally don't pay attention too. Either you can't hear it above everything else, or you just don't care. Either way, when there is honest-to-God silence, it's definitely scary.

I got up and rummaged through the fridge, mostly out of habit. "Rummaging" merely meant opening and closing the various drawers as they were all empty. This is a drag.

Well, it's OK. I wasn't too hungry anyway. Come to think of it, the fridge wasn't even cold. I threw on a robe and wandered outside.

I had been hoping and praying that this wasn't what I hoped it wasn't: a closed space. My prayers seemed to have gone only half-answered.

Consistent with closed space, the outside world was totally silent and devoid of all other life. No lights or anything.

However, the sky was not grey; it was a different color. I couldn't even begin to describe it.

Where normal closed space would shed normal light, if dull and dim, on its contents, this space shined black light down on the sole occupant: me. I decided it was a good time to go back inside.

The best thing to do in these situations is to turn on the computer.

In the past, Nagato Yuki, an alien that is more human than she lets on, has come to my aid through the computer in the SOS Brigade clubroom, so I hoped she might do the same through my home one.

My home computer is a worthless piece of crap, but it gets the job done more often then not. The desk upon which it sits is something of an antique, and the tower isn't much better. I think it still runs Windows 98... was that what it came with?

No luck. If Nagato is involved, the computer just boots into some funky command prompt. More like a chatroom, really, with just Nagato and me. This time, the computer just sputtered and died in a spectacular display of technological failure. Well, I can't expect the damned old dinosaur to work with alien technology.

I won't give up so easily! Maybe this thing only works with the computer in the clubroom. I mean, Nagato's had plenty of time to mess with that! Besides, it's been in the clubroom for heaven's sake. Haruhi's rays of weirdness might have affected it so it can go outside of closed spaces, or something. I don't want to know the details.

Only one way to find out, I guess.

I looked through my dresser for some clothes, but there weren't any. Well, it isn't like anyone's going to see me in my PJ's.

I began the long walk up the hill to the school building. Nagato or Koizumi could be here, but even if that was the case the clubroom was still number one on the list of places to look. Second would be the computer club lab, and then room 1-9.

But what could I do if neither one was here? I don't have reality bending powers and the laws of physics still apply to me! Assuming they're still the same in this crazy place... I mean, it doesn't look like one of Haruhi's spaces, those are grey. This place is... just... alien.

This city isn't important or crowded like Tokyo; still, there's usually someone on his way to work from this neighborhood. Or maybe a student on his way to school. Very rarely, there might be a couple of vagrants hanging around. But here, there's no one. Not even a cat!

This could be the creepiest place I've ever been in.

The door to the school was unlocked, so I went right in. Maybe it was supposed to be a school day in this freak of a world?

The halls, as to be expected, were deserted. It was an eerie feeling; I half-expected some horrible zombie to reach out of one of the doors, pull me in, and eat me alive. Apparently none of them were feeling very hungry today because I passed through the halls without being assaulted.

As I made my way to the club room, I had the distinct feeling that I was being watched, except there was no one there to do the watching. I just hope Nagato can help me here.

The clubroom was lifeless, but it showed the signs of the SOS Brigade occupation: odd costumes, Haruhi's possessions, Nagato's books, Koizumi's games. Of course, the trusty old plundered computer was there too.

I turned it on.

As I had hoped, the OS didn't boot up. Instead, I saw the god-sent command prompt: YUKI.N:

Yuki, can you get me out of here? That's what I typed. Nothing happened, so I pressed enter again.

I could hear the computer's processor spinning madly. I was afraid that the computer would catch fire for a minute, but nothing happened. 5 minutes passed.

Then:

Kernel panic: insufficient memory. Please power off main CPU and try again.

Not promising at all. Worth a shot, though. I held down the power button until the computer turned off and waited for the it to cool off. I touched the casing, nearly burning myself.

Ouch! Too hot! This is bad.

I'll play some solitaire while it's winding down.

I opened up Koizumi's pack of cards, but rather than 52 pieces of laminated, colored paper, I found a white piece of styrofoam just big enough to fill the box.

I hope this isn't a preview of what's inside that computer's tower. I touched the computer again. Still too hot.

Maybe I can use one of the computers in the computer research club's lab?

I haul myself out of Haruhi's chair and in the general direction of the lab. Damn, I've got to use the restroom. Bad.

Well, there's not much you can do when nature calls, right?

I think there's a bathroom in this building.

I make my way to the facilities uneasily. The door is unlocked, but there is no light inside. Flipping the switch after fumbling about in the for a while, the lights still refuse to shine.

Well, I think I can find the urinal without too much trouble.

After finishing my business, I try to flush only to find that it won't work. Inhabitants of this world, if you exist, my heart goes out to you!

The faucet didn't work either. Well, who am I gonna spread germs to in here?

Well, best get back. Can't waste too much time here. And I still have to pee. You know how no matter how many times you pee in your dreams, you still have to go to the bathroom when you wake up? God, I hate that. Or am I the only one?

The computer research club's lab is not

Well, anyway, once I was back in the clubroom, I powered on the computer again. This time I didn't even get as far as I had before. Sparks flew out of the thing's back and the monitor filled with static.

Just as I was about to go find a sledgehammer, I noticed something.

There was a big, red button on Haruhi's desk.

I'm not the kind of guy that pushes every button he meets. In fact, I'd rather there weren't any buttons to press. They're too much trouble. Particularly the big red ones. They never go with anything good, in my experience.

There was a note near the button; it looked like it had been typed up on a computer. Even though it was very similar, you could tell it wasn't Nagato's handwriting because it was written in a different "font" than the one she liked to use. I knew it wasn't Asahina's or (shudder) Asakura's immediately.

It read: "Push me."

Isn't there someone around who can assure me I won't shrink to the size of a caterpillar and be forced to chase after a mysterious white rabbit? Anyone? Maybe it would be better if I did; at least then I'd know what to do. Or at least not to get involved with powerful females, such as Duchesses, Queens, or mad Goddesses.

But I digress. It isn't like I had a lot of options here. Of course I pushed the button.

A resounding roar echoed throughout the Space. I scrambled over to a window and looked out. What looked like like hurricane force winds tore the grounds outside into dust.

Is this my fault?

Okay, maybe I shouldn't have pressed the button then.

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**A/N: I intend to continue the story that starts in this chapter. Furthermore, if I have not already done so at the time of publishing, I will split the Yuki-dream chapter into two parts, lengthen them, and publish them at either end of the two Kyon-dream chapters. Just so ya know. **

**I keep meaning to say: Yuki was heavy in chapter 4 because _someone_ was using their data manipulation abilities to make things difficult, and Yuki became violent because she had loaded an emergency system focused on self-defense.**

**I'm not as obsessed with getting reviews as I once was, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't like you to review.**

**Gah! I forgot. the next chapter will be a continuation of this, in case I didn't imply that correctly. Read it.  
**


	6. Paranoid, Much?

**A/N: I think that I'm sorta outta juice here. I'll finish this fic, rest assured, and it might be good, but I think I bit off more than I could chew with these dream chapters. Ah, well. It's fun anyway. I suppose you're all pretty mad at me by now...  
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The last time the world was faced with impending doom, I was with Haruhi. While this doesn't really show for much, it meant that at least I wouldn't go down with the rest of the world.

Here I am in the middle of a storm that, for any other normal person, would signal Armageddon. It seemed like this place inside the school was the only thing safe from the storm. Through the windows I saw trees being uprooted, fences flying away like sparrows, the earth being torn up and moved around as in a movie about the Dust Bowl of the Great Depression in America, except on fast-forward. If I see Haruhi flying on a broomstick, I'll just go back to sleep. I don't want to deal with her right now.

I'd almost rather take the zombies.

So, first order of business: get back to reality.

Things we've tried:

Getting on the computer.

Getting to the club room.

Getting on the computer from the clubroom.

Things we haven't:

Running.

Screaming.

Dying.

Hm. My options don't look very good, do they? Well, I can't run. Just look out the window; if Nagato or Haruhi was with me, I'd consider it. But on my own? There's no way in hell I'm going out there! I'd die!

OK. Scratch running and dying from the list. That leaves screaming.

May as well get it out of the way.

"AAAAAIIIIIIEEEEE!" Yes, I screamed. I screamed like a little girl. I screamed like a little girl being chased by the Big Bad Wolf because that's what I'd prefer to be; if I screamed hard enough, they just might let me have the part and I'd be out of here.

Right.

Nothing would happen. No one would come.

"So, Kyon, what will you do now?" I whipped around, startled. And rightly so, it seemed. There in front of me was Ryoko Asakura: someone who had tried to kill me on, not one, but _two_ separate occasions! And I don't believe the third time's a charm.

"Y-you. Y-y-you're... you're..."

"Dead? Yes, you are." After a few seconds of staring uncomprehendingly, it finally occurred to my weary feet to run away from the homicidal crazy person as fast as they could go. Unfortunately, they had no intention of rescuing the rest of me; I tripped an fell face-first on the ground, betrayed by my own two mutinous feet.

Asakura giggled like, well, like a schoolgirl.

"Just kidding! I didn't even have to trip you up. You should have seen your face! Ha ha!"

My eyeballs stared some more.

Wait...

What?

What the hell! Don't joke about things like that! This is serious!

"Sorry. Will you forgive me?" She made puppy eyes at me, and, even though I felt sure those eyes hid the malice of a killer, they were impossible to ignore.

"Yeah, whatever."

"Yay!" Asakura did more schoolgirl giggling and hopping. And went so far as to cling to my sleeve. If it was Asahina, it would have been very cute, but I pushed Asakura away; I don't want my shirt turning into a wolverine or something. "Meanie."

Whatever. What are you doing here anyway?

"Don't know!"

What do you mean you don't know! Doesn't your crazy boss tell you anything?

"What boss? What're you talking about?" Just then, it occurred to me that, if Asakura was behind this whole thing, she would want me to believe that I would be safe around her. Then, she'd stab me in the back while I wasn't looking! Ha! Like that would work on me twice, bitch!

SLAP!

What? It's true!

"Kyon, have you lost your mind? You know me! I don't even have a job. Have you lost your mind?"

What's to know? You tried to kill me twice already! I've already stated my opinion on lucky number three.

"What are you talking about? I'm here to help, you moron! Why would I kill you?"

To see how Haruhi reacts, apparently! That's what you said!

"What sort of person do you take me for? Really, I don't get obsessed with people like that girl does."

Fine! Do what you want! I'm not going to trust you, anyway.

"Good. I'm getting out of here." Eh?

And how do you plan on doing that? Huh?

She put on the arrogant prima donna act, turning her back on me and glaring at me over her shoulder, saying:

"Apologize. Apologize for calling me a bitch, for calling me a killer, for calling me an alien, for treating me like an enemy, and for insinuating that I'm a liar!"

Why should I?

"You want to get out of here, right, sweetie?" Right. Sorry. My bad. Sweetie?

Wait a minute, I just apologized to... wait, "sweetie"? What the-

"Well, then. Let's go!" She disappeared.

I take it all back! You're a bitch after all, Asakura!

Suddenly, she reappeared with a cheery smile.

"Sorry, I forgot. You can't leave until you finish the task." She winked and stuck her tongue out at me.

"Unfortunately, I can neither tell you what to do, nor can I help you. However, I will tell you that the objective is somewhere out there." She pointed out the window at the monster storm outside. "Well, get a move on! See you later, Kyon!"

You just came to torment me! She doesn't need to kill me if I believe that; I'll die out there! And I still have to pee, dammit!

Part of me just wanted to run out there and end it all. The computer doesn't work, and I'm not getting any other help. This sucks!

Then something bizarre occurred to me. Something impossible.

Asakura just came through here appearing to have no knowledge of past incidents, claiming to offer advice, flirting with me, and calling me... sweetie. If she was the real deal, she would probably claim to be reformed and then shove me out the window when I turned back.

This was obviously some sort of fake. But who would make a fake Asakura?

That macro-spatial cosmic whatsit, or whatever, comes to mind. It had, after all, made a fake Asahina and tried to seduce me, once. It did act in a similar manner. But it hadn't done anything so presumptuous as to call me "sweetie,".

Hm.

Unless one of the other, more discreet branches of the Thought Entity wants my hide, I would think that it would be more straight-forward in trying to kill me.

Who else can screw up stuff in my head like this? And, come to think of it, why don't I remember where I was when I fell asleep? I suppose that much is sort of normal, though. Then again, you don't usually worry about that sort of thing when you are asleep. And who said I was asleep in the first place?

Probably just more thoughts they've been putting in my head, whoever "they" happen to be.

Hey, if I'm not paranoid, it'll be Haruhi. And with her you can't tell paranoia from ... I don't know... doomsday. Trust me, you want me to be the paranoid one.

Paranoid Yuki is dangerous. Paranoid Koizumi is creepy. Paranoid Mikuri is... lethally adorable.

So who would mess with my head?

Ah. That's who. Now I wish I hadn't thought so hard about it.

Ambling through the halls as I thought all of this, I found myself at the door separating the cozy inside from the ominous outside.

I sighed.

"Oh, well." I opened the door and stepped outside.

* * *

**A/N: I don't feel like saying anything here except that I'm sorry for my laziness. Really, it's so hot that typing feels like doing 5 sets of push-ups. Hopefully the next chapter will be out pretty soon. Just, don't hold your breath.  
**


	7. I Wish You Weren't Here

**A/N: I'm sorry if the verbs change between past in present tense. If you point out where I screwed up, I'll fix it. Eventually.**

**Furthermore, everything that you feel is missing will be explained in due time. I promise. If you are concerned, leave a review or send a pm to remind me. Hopefully, that will not be necessary.**

**

* * *

**

Sand.

...

There is a lot of sand here. I see... blue sky. Ocher.

Something else.

A human?

Where am I? Not where I was before, I suppose. That seems likely enough.

Begin internal scan for errors... Done. 527 errors found.

I see. The forced reboot failed to repair the anomaly. At least, that is one possibility. I certainly don't remember very much. But there was... snow.

Scan log files for activity during operating system standby mode: Done.

Interesting. A number of physical impacts occurred inflicting minor damage to phalanges, kneecaps, and metatarsals as well as nearby tendons. All damage repaired during standby mode. Audio-visual log file of this period is locked: I do not have permission to access it.

So. There is no easy way of telling what occurred during my... absence, for lack of a better word.

"Hey, Nagato! Are you hurt? Good God, you're half-buried!" Yells a concerned sounding voice. I try to respond, but sand fills my mouth, muting my response.

"Mmmph." Analysis of my current location relative to the gravitational and magnetic fields: I am lying on my side, embedded in the earth in such a manner that my left eye is covered. My entire left side is buried in sand.

The sand is very loosely packed, like powder, allowing the one to whom the voice belonged to simply pull me up with a heave. My hair is full of the sand, and my clothing is somewhat disheveled.

"Mmmph," I say again, before it registers that the easiest way to remove the sand is to spit it out. I do so. There are still minute grains of sand in between my teeth and under my gums. It is very uncomfortable. Ah. So it was Kyon.

"Do you need help brushing off?" Kyon is watching me carefully. It occurs to me how I must look: sand in my hair, in my clothes, in my mouth, my clothes are rumpled, half of my face is paler than the other, and I just spit out a large amount of sand. On his shoes. Ah.

Unauthorized Process: embarrassment. Killing-

"Oh, give it a rest!" Bad timing!

"You've been saying things like that all day! What's wrong?" Noticing my silence, and the sand on his shoes, he says, "Don't worry about that now. The same thing happened to me when Koizumi pulled me out."

I thought about it for a minute.

"There is an error. That is all."

"Well, I figured that much out myself." He sighs, his head drooping several centimeters lower than usual. "Look, if you ever need to talk..."

"Oh, Kyon~!" A voice sounded from over a nearby dune. A voice I've heard before.

A head of blue-black hair appeared on the horizon, moving very quickly towards us. Old data resurfaces in my mind: judged to be hostile... data link... termination...

"Can we go home? I'm bored! There isn't even an ocean to go with this beach! As if you could call this sand! Maybe windblown baby powder. I can think of some better things we could do at my apartment..."

The genetic signature of this being is identical to the organic interface assigned to the entity known to the human life forms as Ryoko Asakura. This organism was previously terminated. It should not be here.

Why would it be here? I should find out, right?

"Yuki, what are you doing?" Kyon complains as I throw him behind me. "I don't think that that's-"

"State your purpose."

"Hey! Let me go! Who the hell are you anyway?"

"Yuki! Before you do something rash, at least let me explain-"

"State your purpose!" My hands are locked firmly around her neck. I have very little jurisdiction over the data in this area at the moment, but my physical strength is sufficient to break her neck should it be deemed necessary. And it WILL be deemed necessary if a response is not facilitated within the next ten seconds. "You will state your purpose, or you will be terminated. Speak."

"I oughta-! You little-! I'm gonna-!" Asakura looks more enraged than genuinely scared.

Suddenly, I feel a sharp pain on my head. I fall down. More sand... I'm tired of sand... It tastes bad...

"Oooh, Kyon, I didn't know you could do karate!" Asakura's voice gushed.

"For God's sake, will you stop hitting on me?" Kyon snaps. He kneels down beside me, grabs my shoulders and gently hoists me up again. "At least ask me before you try to kill somebody!"

I just wanted to know the purpose!

"Look, I understand, but she isn't here to kill me. Or you. You're just gonna have to trust me on this one!" You don't look convinced of that!

There is insufficient data to make a logical judgment on whether Ryoko Asakura is hostile at this point. I am unable to do so based on your word alone.

"That's why you have to trust me! Please?" I... I don't know...

Standing there with his tussled hair and windblown appearance, with that concerned and determined and confident (maybe not confident) look, he really does look very heroic... What am I saying? What kind of talk is that? Well, not that I've said anything.

"V-very well." I turn my head to avoid looking in his eyes. Even if that is the case, it is not relevant to the immediate circumstances. Right? Change the subject. "You say you were awakened by Koizumi?"

"Yeah, he didn't really say anything though. He just muttered something about Asahina-san and left." He scratches his head and tries to rub some of the sand from his hair. "He looked pretty bloodied up, come to think of it. I should have gone with him..."

You should think of these things sooner!

No, wait, if you'd done that, I'd still be in the sand... Don't even think of it, Kyon!

"What? You could take care of yourself! I don't think you'd die in the sand, I mean, you're certainly no ordinary human." I resist a very illogical urge to slap him. "What's that look? Okay! Okay, I'm sorry! Happy now?"

I decide not to respond.

"Kyon, you really shouldn't let her boss you around like that."

Who asked your opinion?

"Geez, it isn't as though it's a big deal! Let's just look for Asahina and Koizumi, and God help us if Haruhi's here too. Okay?" I nod and Kyon turns and heads out towards the dunes.

Haruhi? That would be even more troublesome. "Asakura" stuck her tongue out at me and followed suit while humming the theme to "The Adams Family". She skipped to Kyon's side and immediately resumed, as Kyon put it, "hitting" on him.

"Who is that, anyway?" I wonder.

Kyon had to duck to avoid a pair of low-flying quotation marks.

* * *

Meanwhile...

A short girl with long, chestnut colored hair marched across the desert at a cheerful pace. Humming a children's song to keep her rhythm and with a large black dress thrown over her shoulder (it was too hot to wear), the girl carried herself with the confidence of a soldier and the timidity of someone who has had an ungodly amount of mucking about done to her mind.

"Hum hum hum... lalala... dadedadum..." She was pretending she was in a field of pink flowers and pretty birds and blue skies and cute little woodland creatures, not a barren desert where everything seemed to be large, ugly, hungry and scary. And, worse, ocher. "Would you like some more tea, Mister Squirrel? I quite agree, Miss Robin bird. This kind tastes best when- Ah!"

Then she tripped over something (meaning someone) and fell face first into a sand dune.

And so it came to be that a battered and bloody Itsuki Koizumi came to his confounded senses with a view that most men and several women would have killed to get.

* * *

**A/n: I understand that this was short, but the next chapter should be out within a week. You can slap me upside the head if it isn't out by the end of September.**

**Let it be known that Asahina is not naked here, perverts. She's just not wearing the maid outfit.**

**Oh, and I think I'll right out nightmare scenes for Koizumi, Haruhi, and Asahina once I'm finished writing the main story. **

**If you wouldn't mind, that is, if you're going to leave a review, mention which chapter was your favorite so far and why. PM's work too. I'm sort of curious...**


	8. A Reasonable Amount of Insanity

**A/N: Yes, I am still alive, though I would much rather be at peace. I'm gonna flunk. Nothin' I can do. I'm scared out of my wits, ha-ha! They who must not be named are going to murder me! Anyhow, please enjoy this chapter of _Superfluous Data._ Well, at least try. I'm sorry if the story is still so slow moving. I'll try to slip a little action sequence into the next chapter. And if you don't see it, you'll know why.

* * *

**

The ESPer rolled over so his belly was facing up, eliciting in a surprised squawk from the girl who had tripped over his unconscious form. He glanced at the girl in her underwear and, disappointed by the absence of cold water or shelter, passed out again.

"Oh, it's Mister Koizumi! How good of you to join us. We were just about to..." The girl babbled on for a while, setting the unconscious boy up next to a rock and having a rather one-sided conversation with him. Then she set out to make some tea.

Even in his unconscious state, Koizumi was very, very confused.

Back to our hero...

The air is very, very dry. More dry then it should be. I am already having trouble breathing. No water.

Kyon is panting. He stops walking every few seconds to swear at the dunes and to catch his breath. I have been able to sustain bodily functions thus far by reducing water usage to a minimum. I have shut internal organs whose functions are not immediately required: one eye, several toes, my little fingers, and a kidney. It will be very painful to restore function to these once we return to a natural human environment.

Not that I'm dreading it or anything. I've felt worse, right?

The self-proclaimed Asakura trotted ahead of Kyon and me goading us on with assorted taunts(bad) and cheers(worse). Where is that energy coming from? I've already had to kill a process entitled "jealousy" several times. It's so draining... It would be more efficient to manage power without all these errors. They do not ask for permission before using valuable system resources!

Kyon stopped and put his hands on his knees.

"Look guys, I don't know about you, but the human here needs to rest." What am I? An alien? Don't answer that! Why should I care? Not that it's...

"Yuki!" Kyon looked me in the eye. "You're acting like... I don't know. Just chill!"

Fine. I'll "chill".

"And you're pale. Not that you aren't always pale, but is this place bad for you or something?" It is kind of you to be concerned. However-

"Hmph." Asakura drops herself on the ground and crosses her arms and legs. She began to pout like a little girl. "We're going the wrong way!"

"Oh, yeah? Then what's the right way?" Kyon pouts back.

"Let's see... um... that way!"

"You just pointed in a random direction!"

"What? I know exactly what I'm doing!" Perhaps it would be most efficient to shut off my ears, after all.

"Then why should we go that way?"

"Because I said so!"

"Pfft. Yuki, what do you think?"

"I don't care." I think it occurred to him just then that he didn't really know where we were, anyway.

"Hey, where are we, anyway?" he asks me. How should I know? There is insufficient data to correctly determine-

"Who cares where we are?" Asakura whines, pounding her fists into the sand at her feet. "I wanna go home!"

"Hey, you're the one that followed ME here, not the other way around! Besides, weren't you the upbeat one a few minutes ago?" Is that the case? I see... "Anyway, we can't get back if we don't know where we are! Be reasonable!"

"I got bored."

"What kind of explanation is that!"

I'm beginning to wonder what on earth they're talking about. I think I'll just chalk it up to delirium.

"What's wrong with it?" Asakura snapped back at whatever Kyon said regardless of what it was. I decided I should speak up.

"According to my observations regarding human communication..."

"What's wrong with it? It's entirely irrelevant!" I can feel my eyebrow beginning to twitch again.

"... these situations in which noise, or communication of unwanted ideas, is in excess..."

"Why?"

"Because!"

"... can often be resolved, albeit unpleasantly, by the use of..."

"I hate you! We're through!" They are ignoring me...

"We were never together! God, where did that come from? Where the hell did YOU come from?"

Screw calm.

"...force."

THWACK!

Meanwhile, in a different character's point of view...

We all have situations that we cannot stand, situations that cause our senses to leave us. This I must concede. However, this seems somewhat excessive, even for a sheltered mind such as Asahina's.

I've awoken to find myself in a frilly maid outfit with a hot cup of tea pressed into my hands. Waiting on me was Ms. Asahina, for some reason in no more than her underwear.

This poses a number of questions, one of the first of which is: What the hell happened here?

"Excuse me, Asahina-san, but what is going on?" My question went ignored.

"Oh, are you feeling better now, Mr. Koizumi? I made you some tea!" She lifted up a kettle to illustrate, smiling that radiant smile of hers.

"Yes, I can see that." I tried to keep smiling and sipped the tea in what I hoped appeared to be a calming manner. Where to begin? "Where did you get the water and the tea leaves?"

The brigade mascot ignored me again and went about setting a tablecloth on the ground. She set the tea kettle in the middle of it and placed some tea platters so that they were perpendicular to and at the middle of the sides. It was set for four, even though there were only two of us. Judging by her manner of speech, it soon became apparent that "Kyon" sat across from me, and "Yuki" was on my right.

"Um, perhaps you should put on some more clothes?" She paused and stared at me for a few seconds. Then she looked down at herself and turned deep red.

"Kya!" With tears in her eyes, she dashed behind a nearby dune. I would have pursued, just to make sure she didn't wander off, of course, but I was still too weak. After a few minutes, she reappeared wearing a sailor uniform. Where did that come from?

"Classified." Inevitably. I just smiled and sipped my tea. "It's your turn."

"Hm?"

"Kyon's waiting for you to make your move." She pointed at the space between me and "Kyon."

"Ah, I seem to have forgotten what game we are playing." I wonder if I should be more concerned.

"Othello." Her eyes seemed to glaze over slightly. Most unnerving.

"I see." I mimed flipping some pieces over where I hoped the board was supposed to be. Is this what they call a psychotic break? I think I'll try once more to figure out what is going on. "Where are we, exactly?"

"Well, we're in the woods behind Tsuruya-san's house. Do you need to make a phone call? Maybe Yuki can help. I don't think we get very good reception, here." She flashed me an apologetic grin, and knelt next to me. No, I think I'll be fine. Or maybe not. She pressed her hand to my forehead. "Are you alright?"

Her hand felt refreshingly cool against my brow, and I had to fight an urge to close my eyes and sigh. An image of Kyon sitting across from me scowling and cracking his knuckles flashed through my mind. I'd rather face a shinjin... "Yes. I'm perfectly fine, Miss Asahina.."

I sip my tea again.

What a fine mess you've gotten us into... Yuki Nagato.

Back to Kyon!

It took a few seconds for me to put it all together. Yuki just smacked my head against Asakura's. I don't understand why, but she was babbling about something with too many syllables for me to follow. I guess this was her socially awkward way of saying "STFU, dammit!"

I rolled over clutching my hands to my face. I could feel some blood trickling down my forehead. Nagato knelt over me, slightly cock-eyed.

"The amount of force that was applied will be insufficient to result in permanent damage. Do not fear a concussion or other cranial trauma." Easy for you to say. Your head isn't bursting at the seems!

She stared at me with one eye; no longer liquid helium, it was more like a dry, veined, boiled egg with the soft brown iris painted on it with fading ink. The pupil had shrunk to the size of a period on a sheet of paper from the cruel glare of this desert world. Her hair was coarse and streaked with dirt and sand. Her skin was wax. It culminated in a very disturbing look on her. I take it all back! Don't kill me! Please!

I silently vowed to keep my mouth shut from now on. A few feet away, Asakura glared at me. I glared back. She stuck her tongue out at me and turned away, making a rude hand gesture in the process.

Yuki hauled the both of us up and began to drag us both... somewhere. When I asked where we were going, very quietly, of course, she softly answered: "forward," with the closest thing to a deadpan that she could muster.

I guess alien and human girls aren't so different after all.

Oh, and don't think you've got me fooled, "Asakura"! I know what you really are!

* * *

**A/N: There you have it! Just what is it that Kyon knows? What the hell happened to Koizumi? It looks like he's been roughed up pretty good... If you want me to tell you before the next chapter, my response will be, and I quote: "Neener neener!"**


	9. Storm Clouds

**A/n: You can skip this chapter, if you like. Once I get all the chapters written, I'm going to come back and rewrite everything, keep that in mind. This is the Koizumi nightmare sequence, if you couldn't guess.  


* * *

**

The first thing Koizumi noticed as he was sucked into the void was the vast abundance of eyes. Red, compound eyes that could cut concrete if they tried. Evil eyes. Soulless eyes.

He was falling down a tunnel full of evil, soulless eyes. They stared at him, perhaps mindlessly. Like animals.

He looked into the eyes with a hardened glare.

"Hello," He said with a grin.

The eyes were very confused. Here before them was a grinning idiot grinning like an idiot. They had been told to expect a sycophant, not a moron! Did morons taste the same? Were their souls as juicy?

Never mind that! One growled. Manflesh is always sweet, no matter how rotten the mind!

"Hi!" Koizumi said again. Perhaps he expected someone to beam lovingly at him. He began to wonder if he was expected to give some sort of speech.

If his data is corrupt, argued another, he may make us sick!

The others agreed.

Very well, mumbled the one. Tear him to shreds. I alone will feast!

"If there is nothing I can do, I must be on my way now." Koizumi looked around him, seeing only more evil eyes. He grinned. He frowned. "Let me leave."

His frown startled the insectoid creatures. It was a comical frown, unpracticed, unperfected, too long hidden under a plastic face. It looked almost exactly like an emoticon. :( But it was a frown.

"I'm angry," said the Frown. "Let me leave."

The Frown grew deeper as the creatures huddled around, clicking hungrily and nervously.

Finally, one lunged. It was hideously insectoid, reminiscent of the last of its kind to visit this planet, but viscous. Its form slowly melted back into the shadow, maintaining its blood-red compound eyes. Muscles like boiling molasses ripped from it, propelling it toward Itsuki Koizumi. It slowed down as it approached the boy. His frown grew deeper and deeper. It shattered his face into wrinkled segments, each of which would stop the heart of a man. Koizumi started to glow.

"Let me leave." He growled. The creature swallowed him whole.

There was no real struggle. Koizumi went down like an aspirin.

There was silence.

The thing seemed to smile.

….

Mind shattering silence.

…

BOOM! The creature exploded, splattering and angering its irrational friends in its bloody remains.

In the middle was Koizumi, seemingly untouched. His hair swirled about his face. He stretched out his arms and legs as if he were the subject of one of Leonardo Da Vinci's portraits.

"I said, 'let me leave.'" A sane creature would have let him. These creatures of fear and loathing were far from. The charged him down. Battle commenced.

It was easy at first. Koizumi decimated their numbers, and they fell back.

Koizumi appeared unhurt, but in truth his own powers had been decimated as well.

They began to circle around him, hissing like cockroaches. The nebulous black mass that the combined forces formed swirled and roiled, the friction created mighty blasts of lightning. The red wind of the creatures' eyes rocked the dark mass forward and backward.

Koizumi's hair swirled and stood on end.  
BAM!

He was struck by lightning.

BAM! BAM! BAM!

He was burnt badly, his uniform was tattered. His power sustained his life, but just barely. He gasped for air.

He slowly sunk into the whirlpool of darkness.

In a last-ditch effort, he unleashed his remaining power. It annihilated the enemy, and Koizumi fell to the desert below.

* * *

**A/n: This was probably too short. Oh, well. Next chapter will be better.**

**Next chapter: Love the Bomb, Mikuru's tale.**


	10. Love the Bomb

**A/n: Mikuru's tale. It probably sucks, but oh well. I figure this is the closest thing to Mikuru's nightmare as I could get. I really don't know which gender TMOHS is targeting. It seems sort of feminine to me, but I'm a guy, and I love it to death. So yeah. And I'm sorry, but I'm a professional slug. This takes place right after kyon's and yuki's and Koizumi's nightmare sequences  
**

**

* * *

**Love the bomb.

The buxom beauty that is Mikuru Asahina woke just like every other day. She stretched out and smiled, enjoying the way the morning sun was playing upon her quilt. She laid a brief kiss on her stuffed lion Muu-chan's head as she got up. She brushed her teeth and combed her hair.

She ate breakfast: fried eggs, sunny side up. With tea of course. And coffee. She'd need all the caffeine she could get, today! She ate two apples and smacked her lips.

What a wonderful day. A perfect day for a trigonometry test.

Asahina thoroughly enjoyed mathematics, though she wasn't very good at it. She would get confused and put the wrong number down, or label something in the wrong units, or mix up the formulas. What was with that, do you suppose?

No matter!

The sun shone brightly through the window. It got in Asahina's eyes, so she closed them as she smiled and sipped her tea. With her lips set out and her eyes closed, she looked like she may have been waiting for somebody to kiss her. Most boys would have drooled at the sight.

Mikuru turned another page in her diary. The diary detailed what she had done that day, even before she had done it. Her job was

a: to copy the diary into another diary, and

b: to make sure that she did everything in the diary.

She was forbidden to look through more than one page of the diary at a time.

The copying was where her calligraphy lessons came in handy. With her perfect handwriting, she was able to perfectly copy what was in the diary into a new one.

Deep in her soul, she knew that she had written the old diary, too, but a mental lock prevented her from truly realizing it.

She stopped. There was something wrong with the diary. Terrifyingly wrong. Horrifyingly wrong.

_Dear diary:_

_ Today there was a terrible explosion at school. I might have prevented it by doing the following:_

There was a list of steps to be taken before the bomb could be diffused.

Mikuru pinched herself several times before she went to hide under her blanket for a few minutes. Finally able to manage her panic, she called Tsuruya.

The telephone rang. Tsuruya had an old-fashioned telephone at her house. It looked like it came out of President Roosevelt's office, or it had the last time Mikuru saw it. A tinny voice came on the line after several rings.

"Hey, this is the Tsuruya place! Leave your message after the beeps!" What? That makes no sense! Somebody should be there! Oh, well.

She went back to the list.

_Eat breakfast._

She put a check-mark next to that entry.

_Arrive at school around 10:00 AM._

She watched TV for a while and played with her stuffed lion. (who was very cute, by the way)

_I'm sorry! I had to go back at 10:00 PM! Tee-hee! Anyway._

Mikuru subconsciously giggled at her own stupidity.

_Wear the bunny costume to school. _

Mikuru blushed. She despised that outfit with every fiber of her being that she was in charge of. Also, it was at school. If she was to wear it _to school, _she'd have to sneak in, steal it from the brigade room, sneak back home, put it on, and then go back to school. Right?

She looked through her closet for her "stealth suit." It was a pure black, skin-tight rubber-like outfit. When sensitive operations were in order, time agents were allowed to equip this special suit that muffled all noise and rendered the wearer invisible to any normal human.

Confident in her invisibility, Mikuru tiptoed all the way to the station, and generally sneaked around until she arrived at North High.

She went around to the clubroom's window, opened it and slipped inside. The window creaked at an inconvenient volume as she closed it behind her. Slowly and with much hesitation, Asahina pulled the rabbit outfit off the coat rack. Now came the tricky part.

You see, Playboy rabbit costumes don't walk themselves home. Maybe it's against rabbit-suit policy, but they don't. Since Mikuru was invisible, anyone who saw the rabbit-suit would know that it wasn't alone.

While she was puzzling, she didn't notice the door open. In came Haruhi, whose policy it was not to be fooled by cheap tricks like invisibility suits, very much turned on by Mikuru Asahina in a skin-tight black form-fitting outfit. It was like Christmas! And there was the present waiting to be unwrapped.

"KYAH!" Tackle! Poor Mikuru. Haruhi was having way too much fun. She nibbled on her ears and otherwise molested the squealing girl in less speakable manners.

The poor girl fainted, and that was that. So much for the bomb. You'll just have to learn to appreciate it with a strange love, Asahina-san!

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**A/n: I'm going to release this early to prove I haven't abandoned this story. I'm not sure this is very complete. If I receive good criticism or suggestions, I'll revise it. So, review, dammit! XP  
**

**My imagination is really bad lately. I'm working and working, and I'm very overworked. I'm so tired. But I will never abandon this story! Not if I can help it!  
**

**A/n: I actually think Mikuru is very smart, but I think she's so messed up from the tampering in her mind that it interferes with her and gives her that sort of clumsy moe appeal. And Haruhi's molestation is why this is Mikuru's nightmare, and why she had a (temporary) break from reality. She and Koizumi were overwhelmed by the nightmare creatures, so they are in bad shape.  
**


	11. very sorry, will continue soon

Just letting y'all know I'm not dead. I'm having a rough time here.

If anyone wants to help me out, that'd be nice.

Anyway, next chapter will be up... sooner or later. XP


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